The following is a short story of two guys who spoke up too late. This first appeared last year on the SERENDIPITY website.
Raymond was surprised to hear from Andrew. It had been several years since they went to their favorite sports bar. Their first visit was almost five decades earlier. The place had changed ownership a few times and had added more televisions, but it had not lost its old-world ambiance. Andrew was inviting Raymond to a night out to watch a baseball game.
When Raymond arrived Andrew was already sitting at the bar, staring straight ahead. “Hey old timer,” Raymond began. “I see you saved me a seat.”
Andrew had put his jacket on the barstool to his left to save a place. He moved it over and Raymond sat down and ordered a drink.
“So Andy, what’s the score?”
“I don’t know. It just started though.”
Raymond looked up and said, “Look, Andy, they are losing already. They are not very good again this season.”
“No Ray, I guess not.”
Raymond tried to make some small talk but received short answers in response. He could not seem to strike up a conversation on any topic. After a rather awkward silence, while continuing to look straight ahead, Andy finally said, “I just want to say…I like you.”
“I like you too,” Raymond answered rather instinctively.
Andy looked around to be sure no one was near, then turned to look right at Raymond, “I mean to say I really like you. I always have. It just was something we could not say when we were young.”
Raymond was caught off guard. After knowing someone almost his entire life, he now felt that perhaps he hardly knew Andrew at all.
Andrew nervously continued, “It was a different time when we were young. We had to act a certain way and do things that were expected of us. We had to suppress our feelings. We were afraid to speak up.”
“What about Mary Ann?” Raymond asked.
“Don’t get me wrong, Ray. I love Mary Ann. We have had a wonderful life. If we were young now, things might be different.” Raymond felt a flood of emotions, but words did not come to him. Andy finally added, “I just thought I should tell you.”
For the rest of the night, there was some sports small talk with long periods of awkward silence in between. When the game was over, Andy got up and said, “It was good to see you again, Ray. I always enjoyed our time in this old bar.”
“Me too, Andy. Don’t be such a stranger. Call again soon.” With that Andy headed to the door and Raymond ordered one more drink. He needed to process this new revelation.
Three months later Raymond received a call from a mutual friend of his and Andy’s. “Mary Ann asked me to call you and some others. Andy passed away last night. The disease finally got him. He went peacefully.”
“What?” Raymond practically shouted into the phone.
“I am sorry, Ray,” the caller said. “I know you guys were close.”
A few days later, Raymond arrived at the wake. The late spring evening was as grey as Raymond was feeling. He stood in the back of the room for a few moments and looked at the small gathering. He and Andy had outlived many of their school friends. There were few left to attend. Andrew and his wife had no children so there were no descendants.
Raymond walked to the front and stood at the start of an aisle that ran down the center of the room. Mary Ann was seated on a small sofa that was at the front and reserved for family. When she spotted Raymond, Mary Ann called out to him. “Ray, please come sit with me a moment.” Raymond obliged and went to sit next to the widow.
After a short time, Raymond turned to Mary Ann and said, “I am so sorry Mary Ann. I had no idea he was sick.”
“Really?” Mary Ann said with a tone of complete shock. “I thought the reason he wanted to meet up with you a few months ago was so that he could tell you himself. What did you guys talk about?”
“Uh…sports…mostly.”
“How odd. I thought he did not want you to be surprised like this.”
“Yes, I was quite surprised.” They sat in silence a few minutes before Raymond turned to Mary Ann to say, “I think I should go up and pay my respects now.” Mary Ann nodded and Raymond got up and walked up close to the open coffin.
Raymond stared down for many minutes. It was as if he was in a trance. He had a hard time collecting his thoughts. There was so much he wanted to say, but the time had passed. No prayer would be adequate. There were only regrets for not speaking up when the opportunity presented itself. “Why didn’t you tell me,” he thought. “Why?”
Raymond looked around to be sure no one was near, then said softly, as a tear rolled down his face, “I loved you too.”
He tried to nonchalantly wipe away the tear before heading down a side aisle. When he got to the back of the room, he signed the book of visitors, took one of the cards they always put out with birth and death dates, and headed out into the gloomy night. Once he was on the sidewalk in front of the funeral home, he looked up at the dark clouds and shouted, “Why?”
A moment later Raymond walked to the parking lot, got in his grey automobile, and slowly drove away.
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