Return to Fiscal Cliff
D.C. Productions and Grand Obstructionist Party (GOP) Entertainment stunned the business community a few weeks ago with their plan to produce yet another movie in this ultra tired franchise. Return to Fiscal Cliff is currently in production and set for an almost immediate release. This news set social media ablaze. Check out hashtag Fiscal Cliff (#fiscalcliff). Only the Miley Cyrus twerking event at the MTV Awards received more tweets. Facebook and twitter show the only thing more unpopular in the world of super heroes and villains was the news Ben Affleck would play Batman. Of course if Matt Damon plays the Boy Wonder, then all is forgiven.
Back for another stomach turn as villain is John Boehner, looking as if he just ate something at a low-class restaurant. While he could claim only minor victory in The Sequester Affair, this time he intends to rob from the poor and give to the rich, and he will shut down the United States government in order to do it. He is not to be trifled with. “The American people don’t want a government shut down,” he stated with an evil laugh that he has been practicing all summer, but he intends to get away with doing just that. He may not have a big enough crew of evil doers, but he plans to go down this twisted road to ignominy come hell or Hurricane Katrina.
Gone from this 3rd installment of the Fiscal Cliff capers is Paul Ryan as the young and over eager sidekick. GOP Entertainment may be abandoning the younger demographic with this move. “Young folks don’t want to see Super Villains anymore,” announced the Koch brothers who are serving as Executive Producers this time out. “They want heroes instead.” That is why they have brought in Mitch McConnell as the eager assistant and Senate spy. McConnell will report back to Boehner from his semi-lofty perch on the Senate floor. As Senate minority leader he does not have to worry about serving his own state. He is bought and paid for by outsiders since 90 per cent of his campaign money comes from out-of-state. There is no chance his loyalties will shift from villains and to the people of Kentucky.
This time the story line mainly involves preventing the poor from getting health care. Boehner and company are hoping to see poor people die in the streets and hospitals driveways as a way of succeeding with his plan. “It is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time,” says Barack Obama, back as President of the United States. He may not be quite as exciting as Abe Lincoln fighting vampires and the Civil War at the same time, but he is likeable enough to continue to fight this sad crop of so-called Super Villains.
“Are there no prisons?” Boehner is responding in the R rated trailers. “And the Union workhouses, are they still in operation?” he demands sounding eerily like a Dickens era villain. It seems that the Obstructionist and their tea tossing friends can not let the poor be treated by doctors. If the Obama plan is a national success, they may get swept out of office and, of course, new villains would have to take their places.
Cut in for some comic relief is Representative Ted Cruz from the land of former Presidents. He may picture himself as a presidential hopeful someday but perhaps his chances will not look as good after playing the buffoon here. While he himself tries to deny medical care to the poor, the ironic twist will come when he himself falls ill. Fearing political backlash, no one is willing to treat him except Dr. Seuss, who prescribes Green Eggs and Ham.
It now seems unclear who will be back to fight alongside the President. Joe Biden has been pushed to the background for fear he will misspeak his lines. Hillary Clinton has distanced herself from this mess as rumors abound that she is planning her own series as super hero, a la Wonder Woman. Bill Clinton is laying in the weeds in case Hillary taps him to make another speech to explain economics to Republicans who will no doubt turn down their hearing aids anyway. Nancy Pelosi, a once prominent fighter of evil doers, along with most Congressional Democrats has been written out of the Return to Fiscal Cliff.
Senator Harry Reid is back in a role that seems ill-defined at best. While he is supposed to be the leader of a gang to keep the bad guys from robbing the poor to give to the rich, his main role seems to be to chastise the bad guys for trying to “make an ideological point by demanding the sabotage of the health care law.” Beyond that the trailer reveals little and the production company is preventing critics from seeing advance screenings of this mess. That can not be good.
When challenged in the early part of the movie that poor might get sick and would rather die than see a doctor without having proper health care, we hear a chilling response. “If they would rather die,” said Scrooge (I mean Boehner), “they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.” There is no hope that Boehner will find redemption by the finish of this caper as if it were some Christmas Carol. To do so might mean no more sequels, and apparently we can not have that.
“This does not seem to be a story with any uplifting qualities,” I told the Executive Producers. “There really is not a likeable character in the bunch. Why do you produce such stuff?” When they finished laughing hysterically like I was some naïve rube from Kentucky, they told me that if the general public would stop putting down their money to see these fools, they would stop producing these sequels. It is simple economics, something even the villains do not get.
Editor’s note: Some of the quotes may have actually come from A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. I may have been confused since the stories are so much alike, except for the happy ending.
- John Boehner’s Popularity Has Hit A New Brutal Record Low (businessinsider.com)
- It’s Shutdown Week, and Nobody Trusts Anybody (newser.com)
- Obama, Boehner locked in another budget battle as deadlines loom (reuters.com)
- House Republican Plan Increases Chances for U.S. Shutdown (bloomberg.com)
- Don’t just raise the debt ceiling. Get rid of it forever. (washingtonpost.com)
- The (only) plus: Boehner’s memoir may be interesting (prairieweather.typepad.com)
- Justin Bieber May Play Robin To Ben Affleck’s Batman (laist.com)
- ‘We’ve seen the movie before’ (cnn.com)
- Shutdown Odds Spike as GOP unveils new funding bill (nbcnews.com)