A coming out story

Despite everything that has been in the news lately, I thought I would shy away from this topic. It is often a political hot potato fraught with emotional arguments that have little to do with rational thinking. There seemed no reason to be another voice among the already countless raised voices. Then I caught a status message on Facebook that got me to rethink my position. A relative posted a status message that his daughter had put up. As I read through it, I was impressed with the thoughtful counter arguments regarding the opposition to gay marriage, as well intelligent remarks about being gay. I thought I need some of this when the haters start in with their venom.
As I read down the lengthy post I began to realize this was not just a rebuttal to recent actions in the news, particularly the gay marriage ban in North Carolina, but also a commentary by a relative of what it was like to grow up gay. I was totally unaware of the circumstances of her personal life or the problems that it brought her. She did not avoid the most difficult parts of the story, but put it out there bravely for us to see. I was moved by the willingness to try to help people understand by pointing to a personal story.
Unless you are a member of the 1 in 10 who grows up feeling different and alone, it is hard to understand what it is like. You may be picked on at school, bullied by classmates in ways much more hateful than mere childhood teasing. You might find the very thought of going to school as terrifying, and return home each day depressed, perhaps with thoughts of suicide. Recently a 14-year-old boy in Iowa took his own life as a result of the bullying at school and online. “Mom, you don’t know how it feels to be hated,” he had told his mother. He just could not live with it anymore.
What drives people to this kind of hatred? Recently I viewed some coming out stories on You Tube. The story of one young man absolutely stunned me. Angel did not appear to be overtly gay in his video. He told that his coming out was actually an accident. His father saw him kissing his boyfriend. The boy was often dropped off a block or more from home so his father would not see them. When the father got home he confronted Angel and demanded to know if he was a faggot. Angel knew if he said he was gay, he would get a beating, but he got one anyway. It was a severe beating the boy could hardly survive. When the father had to go out, Angel called for help. He did not call the police, his father was a cop. He called a hotline and then a family he thought might help. The woman told him to just get out and she would meet him at the corner. He did not make it that far. Bleeding he fell to the ground throwing up blood. He was found and eventually taken to a hospital emergency room. What father would beat his child almost to death because he dared to love someone not of his father’s choosing? Obviously, Angel recovered and was able to tell his story.
Imagine the terror many in the 10 percent may feel, if not for themselves, perhaps for their friends. Will today be the day they are bullied, beaten, or worse? Imagine not knowing who to trust, at home or at school. Imagine not knowing if life will hold anything of worth for you. “Imagine all the people living life in peace.”
Angel has forgiven his father, strange as that may seem. They have even talked since. When I saw his story, I did not have any idea about writing this, so I did not keep track of the You Tube link. I thought I would go back and find it to put at the bottom of this. I searched “A coming out story” since I thought that was the title and I got 149,000 results. For all the young gay people afraid to be who they are, you can be assured, you are not alone. I did find that most of these stories actually turn out well. Some were surprised at the acceptance they received. If you need some hope, search “it gets better.” It is the popular campaign of the Trevor Project. You will find hope shining through the dark night. I can not explain to you how people can use the Bible or other religious book to support a position of hate, it taught me that we should love one another as we should love ourselves. If you find it tough right now, for you or a loved one, don’t give in to the haters. It gets better.


http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

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8 thoughts on “A coming out story

  1. Oh man, I feel so removed from this sort of ignorance. I grew up not knowing I needed to be in a closet for very long and I had control when I came out. Thank you for this reminder. I’ll be keeping an eye on your blog in the future.

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  2. A sorority sister of mine married a guy who’d been in our college ROTC and who went on to become a gung-ho right-wing career military type. One of their sons was always effeminate, despite his dad’s concerted efforts to turn him into a “macho man” (e.g., the kid wanted to study ballet, not play team sports). The son’s resistance to the macho agenda drove the dad so ballistic that he used to beat the crap out of his boy for insubordination. Around age 16-17 the son dropped out of school and ran away from home (in Texas) to the Castro, where he worked as a busboy/waiter and led an unsafe lifestyle (e.g., drugs, unprotected sex) — and died an agonizing death of AIDS in the early 1990s at around age 21 (i.e., before the anti-AIDS drug cocktails were available). While the mother grieved deeply her son’s death, the father exhibited no sense of loss; I no longer recall whether the couple got divorced before or after their son’s death, but have always wondered whether the father has ever re-thought his views as society’s attitudes have changed (first with the implementation of DADT as an alternative to anti-gay witch-hunts in the military, then its recent repeal).

    Hugs to your brave relative and her family.

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  3. Pingback: A coming out story update | Sunday Night Blog

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